My friend took me golfing over the weekend in the Cleveland area. I thought it was just going to be the two of us playing and it would be a good time to relax, drink, and maybe even learn a little from him. I bought a mismatched set for $40 on Facebook marketplace and was ready to go. As soon as we signed in and walked up to the tee box, we were paired up with two older gentlemen, Carmen and Chris, who later told me they had been playing since 1979. To put 1979 in perspective, that’s when McDonald’s introduced the Happy Meal, the Voyager discovered rings on Jupiter, and Michael Jackson released Off The Wall.
Nazi teddy bears, a mountainous monster of kernaled shit, and plenty of refrences to drugs and alchohol, Conker’s Bad Fur Day was enough to give even today’s social activists violent aneurysms of rage. Not exactly what mom and dad were expecting from a furry, little Nintendo friend, is it? At least, that’s not what my parents had in mind when they bought Conker’s Bad Fur Day as my Christmas gift in 2001 when I was 11.
My mom spent years trying to beat Yoshi’s Story on the N64 by collecting only melons. One melon eluded her. And for Mother’s Day, I will complete her quest.
King K. Rool charged across the deck of his pirate ship. His bulbous frame almost too large for Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong to jump over. This was it. No time for planning. One life left and no save made in a while. Then came the barrage of cannon balls from above.