By Alex Alusheff
Two park guests, who had allegedly been stranded in a rowboat for years, managed to return their mollusk-covered rig to the docks of Boat Hire #1 at Leafy Lake Park this weekend.
Guests 296 and 299 told GYG Lounge in an exclusive interview that they entered Boat Hire #1 sometime in April Year 1 for what they hoped would just be a 30-minute excursion, but it turned out to be a years-long odyssey in a small body of water completely surrounded by land.
“Even without tracks to guide us, I was pretty sure I could get us back to the dock,” said Guest 296, who now refers to himself as Riptide after an attraction he saw get built sometime in Year 3. “But when I tried to get back into the station, a patch of dirt appeared right in front of the dock and we couldn’t get out. So I just kept circling for months and months.”
Eventually a strong wind carried the boat over to the other end of the lake near the boardwalk.
“We tried calling for help, but no one heard us,” said Guest 299, who calls himself Lord Fishy Codtrollop. “They just kept talking over us, saying things like, ‘Rollercoaster #1 has great value,’ or ‘I can’t find the park exit!’ or ‘This path is disgusting.’”
By the time they rowed back to the docks again, two new roller coasters had been built over the lake.
“It wasn’t like we could get help from the construction crews because there were none!” said Riptide. “Parts of the roller coasters would just materialize or blink in and out of existence. It was the strangest thing.”
The two guests said they survived for so long by sharpening one of the oars and fashioning it into a primitive spear. They mainly fed on malnutritious carp and sheepshead. Sometimes fries would fall from the boardwalk and they would pick up some floaters before hordes of carp arrived and scared them off.
“It was tricky because we can’t swim,” said Lord Codtrollop, scratching his three-foot-long beard. “We even watched park employees and guests get plucked by an invisible claw and dropped into the lake to drown. We were helpless to save them. And if we did save them then we would have had more mouths to feed.”
“We were lucky,” Riptide said. “We could have gone on The Shuttle Loop! Thirty two people died in that explosion and some of their body parts ended up floating in the lake. We ate well that day.”
When asked why the two didn’t just run the boat ashore, they looked at one another and laughed.
“Are you kidding me? The waiver we signed clearly outlined the $40 fee for ditching the boat. It cost $45 just to enter the park, $5 to use the bathroom, and $2 to rent the boat. We didn’t have any money left!”
After finally exiting Boat Hire #1, the two were reportedly seen jumping for joy and laughing before immediately reentering the ride.